My Interview with Blogger Grace Tan: For all the Smart, Sexy & Successful Women out there!

10 November 2012

Meet former air stewardess turned Love Coach, Elyse-Anne (

1) Why did you choose to be a love coach for women, and why not help the men as well?
Have you dated men who don’t take you seriously, cannot commit to a relationship or suddenly ‘disappeared’? I have!
On top of that, my parents divorced when I was young and I grew up thinking I was the cause of my mother’s unhappiness because she kept saying she met her true love only after I was born.
At just 6 years of age, I wrote in my diary that I wanted a Mr Right in my life. Hence, I looked for love all my life.
When I met my husband, we were both party animals. Actually, we weren’t ready for a committed relationship. So we weren’t the “perfect” husband or wife for one another BUT we knew we wanted to be together. Now, I’m very happy to share that I have a loving husband and a happy family.
The turning point in my love life was the birth of my eldest daughter. After she was born, I shifted my focus to her and was no longer needy and clingy to my husband. I loved her more than I loved myself, with the same kind of attachment my mother had with her children. She gave us everything we wanted in exchange for our obedience to her. We were in a very unhealthy relationship because I depended on her for material comfort while she depended on me for emotional comfort.
This is conditional love. I’m sure my mother loves me but I felt trapped and like I couldn’t breathe. I was often ‘sandwiched’ between my husband and my mother – I couldn’t please both of them at the same time. Then I decided to stop being so tired and to only please myself. I learned to put myself first and be independent both emotionally and financially. After speaking with my mentor, I also came to the realization that the unhealthy mother-child relationship had to change. Only then was I free! Change yourself and the rest will follow.
I have also been teaching my daughters the meaning of self-love. And I’m glad to see that they are happy children, with very high self-esteem and confidence.
My Mission
My mission in life is to be a messenger of love. When I discovered my life’s purpose, I started observing people around me, reflected on my life and wondered how I could bring more love to the world. That’s when I discovered that the reason most people are kept awake late at night is because of LOVE or MONEY. In my cabin crew days, our conversations were also mainly about relationships.  I’ve found, too, that most women cannot function well WITHOUT love. Don’t know what I mean? Just try working for a female boss! ;)
Why Not Help The Men Too? Firstly, while men may have their own set of problems, I feel that it’s the woman who defines the relationship. If a woman thinks she’s a victim and she’s submissive, this usually leads to the man taking her for granted and doing whatever he pleases. If the woman is too dominating, always checking on her man, the man will probably end up cheating on her or have really low self-esteem. When a woman clearly knows what she wants and truly loves herself, the relationship based on mutual trust and respect will be balanced.
2) Why would ‘Smart, Sexy & Successful’ women need a love coach when dating should be pretty easy for them?
On the surface it may seem this way and I’ve no doubt that these women have plenty of dates.
But look at the statistics! Divorce rates are rising and the number of people staying single is increasing too!
In Singapore, between 2000-2011, the percentage of women (aged 30-34) who are single increased from 22% to 31%.
In America, 95.7 million people are single and 63% are women who were never married.
Why Hire A LOVE Coach When There Are Plenty Of Men Out There?
There are typically 2 types of people: The Winners and The Whiners.
Whiners are people who will complain about their lives but refuse to do anything about it! The winners, on the other hand, will find a way to make things work.
All of my clients are smart, sexy and successful women and I love working with them because they acknowledge that whatever they have been doing isn’t getting them anywhere and they know that something needs to change so that they can attract their true love.
Usually, all it takes is a small shift in their mindset, a brand new set of beliefs and the letting go of their ex or emotional baggage and BOOM! Magic happens!
If you seek true love, then you must change your core beliefs about yourself, men and love. Otherwise you’ll continue to sabotage yourself by attracting the same result but different men and situations. Hanging out with people who think little about marriage or that all men are bad will affect your perception about love too! Even though you may think otherwise, when you spend a long period of time with them, you will lose your defense against their beliefs and may unconsciously start to mirror their behavior and accept their ideas.
The number one thing that can prevent you from attracting your true love is self doubt and the feeling that you don’t deserve to be loved and happy. Once you create new beliefs about love, you’ll naturally attract new experiences including real loving relationships.
I know a lot of successful women who have sacrificed their love life for their careers and by the time they are successful, they seem to have lost the feminine side of them and are uncomfortable with men.
I was once one of them. I was out there partying to see and be seen in the hope of finding my true love but all I attracted were *NOT NICE* men!
Not all men are *NOT NICE*, they are simply a reflection of who you are.
You can’t see what you can’t see and you don’t know what you don’t know. So if you don’t know what you don’t know then how can you make improvements in your life?
That’s where I, as a love coach, come in to change perceptions and show people the easy way to get a love life.
3) Share with us what you mean by love as a state of being.
First ask yourself what you think LOVE is and why you want love.
Admittedly, my initial idea of ‘love’ was marrying a rich man so that he can take care of me and my wants. That’s what I was raised to believe in. Hence, I was searching for this RICH man.
But that’s not true love! That’s conditional love. Only if the person gives you what you want, will you return the love. But that’s not sustainable. What if your partner can no longer give you what you want? What happens then?
What I mean by LOVE as a state of being is first loving yourself and knowing what you want. Only then can you teach others how to love you and treat you right.
TRUE love is accepting the person the way he is. Don’t you want to be accepted the way you are too? Many women want to change their man to suit themselves but they often find that it makes things worse. That’s NOT true love. That’s conditional love. You can’t change anyone but yourself.
4) Is ‘True Love’ an outdated notion or is it indeed possible to find The One and have everything else fall nicely into place?
No, True Love is not an outdated notion.
Don’t find, ATTRACT! Your true love is not someone whom you have lost. A relationship with your true love is meant to be easy and it isn’t meant to hurt. Many women enter a relationship with a gut feeling that this is not right but they still go ahead because of various reasons. They could fear being alone, or think that time is running out, or are afraid that there’s no one better out there for them.
It may seem hard to find true love because there may be someone or some emotional baggage you are not letting go of. When you meet THE ONE, you’ll know he’s THE ONE! Of course, I teach my clients how to identify THE ONE when they meet him. One of my clients attracted her true love after just 2 sessions with me! Once she was able to let go of her emotional baggage and current relationship which she was holding on to for the wrong reasons, she found her TRUE LOVE! Her mind chatter stopped and her fears disappeared!
Here’s a tip: If you are waiting for your TRUE LOVE to find you, stop believing those Korean, Japanese, Hong Kong drama serials or even Hollywood romance movies. The stories are dramatic and true love isn’t dramatic.
*I believe that it doesn’t matter what your life purpose or your mission is. Your ultimate goal or destination is to experience true unconditional love and be free.
Once you’ve experienced true love, all areas of your life will fall into place.
5) Should we always be searching [more active] for that one true love or should be we attracting [more passive] our true love instead?
 We need to do both. It’s not possible to sit at home the whole day and dream of being with your TRUE LOVE and not do anything about it. I have a friend who is really pretty but somehow still single. She knows what she wants in a man but besides work, she’s not doing anything about it. She waits for friends to introduce her to men who, unsurprisingly, never seem to fit the bill. No wonder she’s still single!
Another lady actively goes on dates but still nothing seems to happen. Why? Again, if you search, you’ll never find because you don’t know what you want. Until you get clear on what you want, you’ll never get what you want because even if your TRUE LOVE appeared in front of you, you won’t be able to identify that he’s the one.
There IS a system for attracting your true love in 90 days! Think about it – If you are longing to be with your true love / soul mate, your true love/ soul mate is looking for you too!
Love heals all things and love is the golden ticket to life. Now that you know your true love is out there looking for you, what do you need to do to attract him into your life right now? Don’t let another second go by wasted.

© Elyse-anne - The Love Coach for Successful Single Women | Relationship expert for All Women

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