Should you sleep with the guy on your first date?

04 February 2013

Photo of Pinterest.

When you hear the word SEX, what do you think of?

Do you think SEX is a dirty word?

Do you blush and feel shy when the subject is being discussed?

I met a lady, who teaches Intimate Gymnatics and we were discussing on this subject.  We were talking about about SEX and LOVE. As you can imagine, we were so into the subject that we went over time and she was almost late for her appointment.

Even though I'm a wife and a mother of 3, I don't think I'm very comfortable talking about SEX. I "credit" this feeling to my family and cultural background. 

When I was young, whenever there were intimate scenes shown on TV, my parents made me cover my eyes and told me that I was too young to understand... and I unconsciously do that to my 6 year old daughter too! I don't feel comfortable explaining to my 6 year old about the birds and the bees. I know I shouldn't brush the subject aside but I need to solve my issues around sex first before I can be totally comfortable discussing it with her.  It's just like if you see a mother breastfeeding, do you feel uncomfortable or do you see it as act of love?

In my mind, SEX was this very mysterious thing and it made me very curious.

This was my beliefs about sex:
  • Women who talks about sex are loose and cheap.
  • Only prostitutes enjoys sex.
  • Sex is a dirty word.
  • You use sex as an exchange for things.
  • Men only want sex from women.
What about you? What are your beliefs about sex?

My friend said something very interesting, if we women feel cheap when we enjoyed sex, then would men also subconsciously judge women too if they enjoyed sex? Think about it, if sex is something dirty, then human race cannot continue since we are a product of the act. 

She also said, because she's teaching women about their body parts, men assume that she's easy and she has been indecently proposed a few times!

So, should you sleep or have sex with the guy on your first date?

My answer is NO! No matter how much fire is burning within you, you should say NO!... unless you're out for a one night stand then this does not apply to the situation. If you really like the guy and see potential in the relationship, then really... keep your skirt or pants on!

The reason I said NO, is not because its immoral or I feel that its cheap to do so.  There's actually a biological explanation to it and therefore I feel it's a big NO!

When we fall in love, there's something, chemically, that actually happens within us. Remember how when you were head over heels in love with this hot shot, you didn't need caffeine to stay awake, your skin glowed and shine even though you haven't been sleeping for the past 3 days.  All you needed was just to think about him and the world seems like a better place.

But I've got news for you, this "honeymoon" period doesn't last too long. During this period, everything the guy does is so cute.  Because when we fall in love, our brain makes large quantity of dopamine and norepinephrine, which also happens when you speed. This is like shooting up a shot of cocaine or heroine causing you to be a state of euphoria. When that happens, you become irrational.

When you have sex with someone, your body drives up the level of oxytocine (also produced when you are breast feeding to create that bond with your new born baby) creating a strong biological attachment. That is why men are better players than women because they can compartmentalize their emotions! If you jump into bed with the guy too soon, you're opening yourself to premature infatuation.

If the guy doesn't "get" you so easily, his brain will pump out more chemicals to intensify his feelings for you.  And you won't have to do all the work or worry that he disappears after the first date! You must understand your body is not used to exchange for love or any other things. When you love you and your body, you will attract someone who will treat you with respect.

Last but not least, something to think about... every guy you sleep with potentially has a chance to become the father of your child.

© Elyse-Anne - The Love Coach for Successful Single Women | Relationship expert for All Women

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